Discworld Monthly - Issue 24: April 1999

Table of Contents:

1. Editorial

If you receive an email with an attachment called happy99.exe don't run it. Once run it animates a firework display, but it also deploys a new virus which will modify your winsock in such a way that, when you send email or post to newsgroups, it will send a copy of itself as an attachment to your document thus spreading. Contact your anti-virus software supplier for a patch.

I have just finished compiling all the information from last month's readers' survey, the results of which can be found in section 4. If we decided to do any more surveys in the future we are going to be more specific about how to return your answers. I had to manually go through all the entries to format them correctly, although this did give me opportunity to read and ponder over all your comments.

--
Jason Anthony (Editor) <>
William Barnett (Deputy Editor)
Richard Massey (Frequent Fryer)

2. News

The Harlequin Players of Northwich, Cheshire are staging Wyrd Sisters from April 14-17 1999.

Spotlight Players are performing Mr Briggs' adaptation of Maskerade at Long Stratton High School from April 7th to 10th. Tickets are 6GBP (5GBP concs). For more information contact Mike on <> or phone the box office on 01508-531484.

The Purple Theatre Company will be performing Maskerade from 21st - 24th April 1999 at 8pm at the Compass Theatre, Glebe Avenue, Ickenham. Tickets are 7.50GBP with concessions available on Wednesday and Thursday only 6.50GBP. Tickets can be ordered from the box office on 07050-605081 or email <>

Ryan Williams' local theatre group is performing "Wyrd Sisters; Director's Cut" from 29th April to 1st May at Highfields Hall, Stafford. It features a number of modifications, one of which is the re-inclusion of Death as himself.

Derby Theatre in the Round are presenting Mort in the Derby Playhouse Studio Theatre between 17th and 22nd May 1999. Tickets 6GBP from the Box Office on 01332-363275

Wyrd Sisters will be played at the Lincoln Theatre, Theatre Royal Clasketgate, Lincoln on the 26th and 27th April at 7:30pm. Telephone (01522) 525555 for tickets.

Gamespot have a full preview of Discworld Noir at http://www.gamespot.co.uk/pc.gamespot/adventure/discn_uk/

The BUG (Bugarup University Gallery) can be found at http://members.xoom.com/leisurewrite/xmpage.html

Thomas Larsson ( <> ) has a Discworld voting page where you can vote for best book, best god, best character etc. Apparently no one has voted Discworld Monthly best website yet! http://a100.ryd.student.liu.se/tphon

Small Ads....

Dave Johnson would like PTerry fans to visit his web site at http://members.tripod.com/~davesgear

Evan Davies ( <> ) is looking for (preferably female) Terry Pratchett fans in B.C Canada to exchange emails with.

Harry Boon <> is looking to start making a site on the Discworld collection. He asks "Could anyone who is interested in helping me and helping to maintain the site get in contact."

Phil Taylor ( <> ) is new to the Internet and is looking for Terry Pratchett and science fiction penpals.

Gerard McAteer ( <> ) is looking for any other Irish Discworld Fans. Gerard also likes Gemell, Eddings etc.

Andrew Wilkinson ( <> ) is looking for late teen female Pratchett fans in Australia (Ed - aren't we all?).

Floris vdMeijs ( <> ) has a book and character survey website and asks you to visit and place your vote. http://discworld.virtualave.net/survey.html

Dawn Bleakley ( <> ) is 20 years old and would like to hear from other Discworld readers.

3. Readers' Letters

We assume any correspondence is eligible for use in the newsletter unless otherwise stated, including the sender's email address. We may also edit your letters to make you sound boring and uninteresting.

Each month the writer of the month's best letter will receive two Discworld badges with PTerry quotes on them from Snapdragon Gifts. You can contact Snapdragon Gifts at <> or http://www.snapdragongifts.com. Please mention DWM in any correspondence.

*
* From: "Clive Humm" <>
*
Has anyone catalogued the number of Discworld characters who smoke a pipe? I believe that Ridcully is unusual in being a pipesmoker (wizards are usually reported to smoke roll-ups) and nanny Ogg is usually pictured smoking a corncob, but it seems to me that descriptions of the pipes are pretty thin on the ground (or have they just washed past me?)

I find this a little surprising, given PTerry's usual attention to detail, because the style and shape of a pipe can speak volumes about its owner.

Any information, suggestion or conjecture would be welcome!

Regards Clive Humm (Committee member of the Pipe Club of London, pipe collector, Independent importer of high-grade pipes, and general-purpose Sad Old Git about anything to do with pipes and pipesmoking).

*
* From: "Yvette Mooney" <>
*
Regarding Samuel Willcocks' letter about historical events woven into the Discworld series. Twice now I have read of an event in history and cracked up laughing because I finally understood the reference in the Discworld book. The first one was a few years ago, reading in an encyclopedia about Cleopatra rolled up in the carpet. The second incident was while reading an "Amazing Facts" book I had bought for my son (ok, for me; he can't read yet) and learnt how the Greek dramatist Aeschylus died: an eagle apparently mistook his bald head for a rock and dropped a turtle on him! Aha but we know what the turtle had hold of don't we? Oh yeah, and I also heard a joke about a man walking into a tavern that had an extremely short piano player...

*
* From: "The Ramptons" <>
*
Last month Jill Chapman said:
)*
)I am a Canadian and I discovered dysk books about ten years ago in
)my teens. In response to the history teacher who reads them: I
)will soon be an english teacher and I think they should be put on
)the curriculum, esp. Wyrd Sisters and Lords and Ladies, as contrast
)to Shakespeare. I think after reading one of those, Hamlet or the
)Scottish play (sorry, I'm a theatre student) or Midsummer's Night
)would be much more interesting to a fifteen year old who was afraid
)of the Bard.
)
)Does anyone know how I could get my hands on any of the play
)adaptation of Dysk novels, or if any Canadian productions have been
)done?
)

She is going to be an english teacher? Surely she should be able to spell Disc, and know the title of A Midsummer Night's Dream? In addition, wouldn't it be more grammatically correct to omit the 'or' after 'Hamlet', and replace it with a comma? As a fifteen year old, let me also say that I am not afraid of Shakespeare. If he started chasing me, I would simply run into a pub or similar establishment, and Will would not be let in, on account of him being Bard. (there should really be a 'the' in there, but the joke works even less with it)

JA replies: We don't know if Jill would entirely agree with our decision, but we're giving Letter Of The Month to The Ramptons. Who knows, PTerry himself might have started out with Bard jokes like this...

*
* From: "The Nussbaum family" <>
*
I have this little tradition of stopping by the bookstore every Friday after I buy the weekend paper. I was doing this yesterday, working my way from the new books through the general fiction and then finally to my favourite area - Sci Fi/Fantasy. I was scanning the shelves there when all of a sudden I audibly gasped.

Because sitting there on the New Releases shelf, completely oblivious to the fact that there are fully two months until it's even supposed to exist, was a paperback copy of The Last Continent.

How is this possible? While getting PTerry's books in Israel has never been impossible, they usually arrive on the shelves a couple of weeks after they're released in paperback in the UK, but never two months beforehand. Did this book drop through a temporal rift? Is it a magical object that, when read, will summon the creatures of Dungeon Dimensions even as I am trapped by its unearthly charms? Am I part of some experiment which measures my almost Pavlovian reaction to this small book, so much so that, fully 29 hours after buying it I still get butterflies in my stomach when I think about it? Will it transform, like fairy gold in daylight, into a copy of Maskerade?

It worries me, my new book. I find it necessary to check it every few hours to make sure that I haven't made some terrible mistake. But is sits on my desk, as persistent as ever in its existence. I haven't opened it yet, I'm trying to savour the anticipation of this guilty pleasure. I do, after all, have 3 more books on my desk that should by all rights be read before it. I wonder how long I'll hold out.

Is it real? Should I read it? Is it a thing of the devil? Should I burn it at midnight at the north-facing corner of the cemetery with a sprig of mint? Will Terry Pratchett himself show up at my doorstep tomorrow and demand its return due to an unfortunate mistake? (What a dilemma.) Should I board up my windows and arm myself against the people who are out to get me, I've seen them in the street, the way they look at me. They know I have The Last Continent two months ahead of time. They *want* it. I hear them whispering behind my walls.

Am I going slowly mad?

On the other hand, I have The Last Continent two months ahead of anyone who didn't spring for the hardback version. Nyah nyah.

*
* From: "Sudanet" <>
*
After reading my first edition of Discworld Monthly I thought I would support my professional colleagues in their insistence that Mr Pratchett's works be read by pupils in schools. To enable this to take place I have ensured that ALL Terry's books are in my school library and that pupils are actively encouraged to read them. This statement may not seem to be earth-shattering or surprising but possibly the location of the library, (Unity High School, Khartoum, Sudan) is!

*
* From: "MCJI7JB2" <>
*
In February's newsletter there was a letter from a reader that said that she reckoned that about eight years had passed on the Disc. She has forgotten that the year on the Disc lasts for 800 days and has assumed that the year on the Disc is like our own "Hogfather must have been set in winter so if FOC and Jingo were both in summer, there must have been a year between them". This is not so as the disc has eight seasons so it is quite possible that both FOC and Jingo were set in the same year. I think that the lady in questions has forgotten that the running of the Disc is set around the number eight. 800 days to a year, 8 seasons a year. There are numerous references to the oddity of the disc year in several of PTerry's books if you look for them.

*
* From: "Adam Linville" <>
*
In response to Rosemary Warner's observations in DWM #23 about how much time has passed in the Discworld novels, there is another item to be considered: the end of Small Gods is one hundred years after the beginning. It's hard to know where this 100 years fits in relative to the rest of the Disc books. The Librarian makes an appearance, but since he was travelling by L-Space, time is irrelevant. In the same passage it mentions the ancient scroll (the one the Librarian rescued) that was thought to have been destroyed in the fire in the Ephebian Library, but that still doesn't help much. If I were to guess, I'd say that the story ends in the Discworld's "present", since Omnians like Constable Visit of the Watch are of the less violent stripe that started with Brutha.

*
* From: "Familie Icks" <>
*
I'd like to give comment to the letter of Rosemary Warner in issue 23. She says that the length of time between TCOM and FOC is about 7 years, but, if the books are in chronological order (and I always felt they were) how can that be? Susan Sto Helit hasn't been born yet around the time of "Mort", so there have to be at least 16 years between "Mort" and "Soul Music". That makes sense, because Mort died at the beginning of SM, so at that point he had to be twice as old as he was when Death turned his hour glass.

If anyone can figure it out, I'd like to hear...

JA replies: Terry covered this at the end of Mort where Death gives Mort his life book. "How much sand have I got left? Only Ysabell said that since you turned the glass over that means I shall die when I'm -" YOU HAVE SUFFICIENT, said Death coldly. MATHEMATICS ISN'T ALL IT'S CRACKED UP TO BE.

*
* From: "Fatbloke" <>
*
Can we please drop the subject of whether or not Angua is a Klatchistanian/Klatchian wolfhound. I mean, who REALLY cares? Who can really enjoy a book if they are continuously crossreferencing things and actually looking to see if there are any mistakes. Many of these letter writers seem to know the Discworld better than PTerry himself. I consider myself a fan, and do carry my Disc Companion (Abbreviated on Psion SSD) everywhere with me, but give me a break. Enjoy the books for what they are, don't pick at all the small flaws. If you had written 20+ books in a ongoing storyline like PTerry had wouldn't you make the odd error/missresearch mistake? Please just drop the subject, and let more important letters on the letters page. Isn't argument/debate what Forums are for?

*
* From: "Quincy Morrissey" <>
*
About the Sourcery comment in issue 23. It is an interesting point, but as we can see Death has picked up many Human characteristics over the books. Either that or Pratchett simply forgot.

*
* From: "Graham Sanham" <>
*
Graham Sanham has sent us a review if "Maskerade" performed by UKCD at Gulbenkian Theatre, University of Kent at Canterbury - 11th-13th March 1999.

The simplicity of the set (no scenery), and minimal costume/make-up, meant that there was no interference with any pre-imagined image of the plot and characters. In fact the programme editorial asked "Don't judge us by your own interpretation of the books and your own imagination....". I am pleased to say that the simplicity of the production helped to achieve this.

I have read "Maskerade" just once, and found it quite an intense book, almost complicated. The play did not come across like this at all, in fact far from it. It really was a very good adaptation.

Considering that the cast consist of Students, presumably undergoing intense studies [WB says: Are you INSANE?!], it was very pleasing to find a high standard of talent throughout. Charlotte McKinley and Gabby Hutchinson who played Witches Weatherwax and Ogg respectively, were especially excellent. They served as a strong focal point for the play, but did not overpower the plot or the other cast members.

As would be expected with an amateur production, there was of course an element of over-acting, but this probably added to the enjoyment, and certainly emphasised the humour. Yes, the Pratchett brand of humour came across loud and clear.

Full marks to Director, Neil Newbrook, on a wonderful production. I hope that he and UKCD are able to put on some of the other plays soon, as the venue is not only comfortable, but also friendly and relaxing, which can only help. Keep up the good work.

*
* From: "Alison Parker" <>
*
After reading an article in DWM, I was reminded of a conversation I'd had with my hairdresser a few weeks earlier, when he asked me what I wanted for my birthday. When I replied "Discworld books, by Terry Pratchett", he replied "Wasn't that the guy in that Dickens novel?...."

4. Readers' Survey Results

The randomly selected winner of Timothy Zahn's book "Vision Of The Future" is Bernard McLaughlin.

1. Are you male or female?

2. How old are you?

3. What is your nationality?

4. What is your occupation?

5. What is your favourite PTerry book?

6. Who / what is your favourite PTerry character?

7. Would you be interested in reviews of PTerry's non Discworld works, such as the Johnny Maxwell series?

8. Would you like re-reviews of older Discworld novels you may have forgotten? [Ed - I know that was a badly phrased question and you would never forget them...]

9. Would you like to see more or less readers' letters?

The biggest criticism we received was putting too many similar letters in the readers' letters section. You have spoken, so from next month we will try to be more selective.

5. Review: New Clarecraft Pieces

One of the most requested pieces Clarecraft have been asked to make is the second greatest mathematician on the Discworld, You Bastard, the camel. Clarecraft have responded by creating You Bastard (DW101). This is a large piece, with the camel lying on the desert floor with spittle dripping from his mouth. The problem with this piece, like many of Clarecraft's other animal creations, is although it is really well crafted, it is hard to convince anyone that they are looking at a character from the books. After all, I would imagine that most camels look very similar, so Clarecraft have attempted to make us believe it is You Bastard by drawing mathematical symbols in the sand.

I think Clarecraft are better at creating the more humanoid characters of the Discworld. Captain Carrot (DW100) is instantly recognizable as the Watch's best known dwarf. In this piece Carrot has been captured in mid salute, with his helm under his other arm. Clarecraft have foregone their mostly matte colours and used gold metallic paint to make Carrot's breast plate and helm shine.

The final two pieces, Mort Duelling (DW92) and Death Duelling (DW93), are sold separately, but look best when combined. The base of each piece is designed to interlock with the other. The weapons in these figures are made of pewter rather than clay which enables Clarecraft to produce better detail, and as such Death's scythe comes as a separate piece. I believe Clarecraft are planning to include assembly instructions. I managed to break Death's hand on our review model whilst putting it together (ahh, the wonders of superglue).

See the next section for a chance to win one of Clarecraft's Captain Carrots (DW100).

If you would like more information about Clarecraft's pieces, the Collectors Guild or want to place an order on-line you should visit Clarecraft's website at http://www.clarecraft.co.uk/ or email Elton at <>

6. Clarecraft Competition

Q. What makes Carrot's sword special?

A. It's magical.
B. It gives the wielder a feeling of power.
C. It's a long piece of metal with very sharp edges.

7. DiscTrivia

This month, I thought you would have all read Jingo, in light of the recent controversy :) I know I did. So, how much do you remember? Oh, and don't forget if you like all this trivia - join up and help make the trivia game - http://www.listbot.com/subscribe/disctrivia Oh yeah, and there's always the Discworld Ring - now with over 25 members - to be found at http://www.users.bigpond.com/Hormel

Q1 - What was the name of the family who ran the curry parlour in Ankh-Morpork?
Q2 - What was the name of the land that surfaced?
Q3 - Which Ankh-Morpork fisherman found said land first?
Q4 - And his son's name was?
Q5 - What was Leonard's name for the submarine?
Q6 - Whose boat did Vimes use to get to Klatch?
Q7 - And finally, who was it that Vimes saw while rushing to the scene of the injured diplomat?

Next month, we'll show you more of what's in store in the forthcoming Discworld Trivia Game.... Bye now, Danu Poyner ( <> ) -Brisbane, Australia

8. Feature: Some Notes Regarding Discworld Werewolves
by Norman Lorimer, Tasmania, Australia.

Lycanthrope is the old 'scientific' term for werewolf, the modern term being the taxonomical nightmare "genus Homolupometamorphicus". It was first used in the seminal work on the subject, 'De Lycanthropia' written in 1577 by the famed lycanthropist and vampirologist Ricardo Testa (1533-1581), who travelled far and wide in his studies, always carrying a solid silver crucifix as protection against his research subjects. His other magnum opus, 'De Vampiria', was never completed. (He failed to return from an expedition to investigate a migrant vampire named Isaac Isaacson against whom, for some reason, his sterling remedy proved ineffective.)

Mr Pratchett is clearly acquainted with 'De Lycanthropia' since he utilises, and faithfully reproduces the characteristics of, the three categories of werewolf established therein. The following extracts from 'De Lycanthropia' (a modern English version of the 1837 Serbo-Croat translation from the 1742 Polish text based on the Latin original) will demonstrate this. (The author's comments and additional notations are enclosed in curly brackets {thus}.)

"Lycanthropus Vulgaris {now the phylum Homolupometamorphicus Vulgaris}, the common werewolf, is, in its lupine phase, visually indistinguishable from a large wolf, but some characteristics of the wolf transform into its human phase, when it is betrayed by the prominent caninoform teeth and preponderance of bodily and facial hair, regardless of gender. A variant, Lycanthropus Vulgaris Reversus {now H. Arsiversius} appears only semi-human in human phase, and spends the majority of its life in the wolf phase. Lycanthropus Nobilis, {now H. Nobilitis} the Royal Werewolf, in contradistinction, is totally indistinguishable in appearance from a human, albeit a human of excellent breeding and handsome appearance. Upon transmogrification into the wolf phase, the Royal Werewolf assumes a majestic wolf-dog-like form, with some of its human characteristics, such as aquiline facial structure and colour of hair, retained. Whereas the common werewolf changes only by the light of the full moon, the royal werewolf is believed to be capable of changing Its shape virtually at will."

"The werewolf is omnivorous {the 16th century meaning being 'they eat anyone'} although the Royal Werewolf is normally too well-bred to eat human beings whilst in its human phase The common werewolf is particularly attracted to the little people of the mountains {Dwarfs?} and, in many areas, has reduced their numbers to an unsustainable level. {Could this be why the dwarfs no longer survive on Earth? And perhaps why the werewolves died out - they destroyed their main food source?} Instances have been noted of werewolves living in towns and cities and conducting themselves (at least for three weeks out of four) as normal citizens."

"It is possible for a normal human (and, perhaps a normal dog) to become a lycanthrope by infection if bitten by a werewolf, but the voracious appetite of the creatures renders this unlikely. {If bitten by a werewolf, the bitee almost invariably becomes a werewolf's dinner.}

Lupine (RM) is clearly a characterisation of Homolupometamorphicus Arsiversius, portrayed as a very hairy human-ish person for one week of the month, a magnificent wolf for the remainder. His membership of the Fresh Start Club is apparently due to his friendship with Mr. Shoe, werewolves are not "undead" merely unusual.

Ludmilla Cake (RM) is a portrayal of H. Vulgans, her teeth receive mention as does her need to shave regularly, while her mother shows great concern about Ludmilla's lunar dependency.

Angua is defined as a werewolf in MAA, her pedigree (an apposite term) appears in FOC and reveals that she is truly of the phylum-H. Nobilitis, a Royal Werewolf. This is demonstrated by both her human and lupine appearance. As a human, her noble bearing and appearance attract (to put it politely) Carrot, clearly of noble descent and the true heir to the throne of A-M, who shows not the slightest interest in the cream (or skin-colour of your choice) of Mrs. Palm's young ladies. As a wolf, she has an appearance which would take Best of Show at Crufts (but, unlike the usual winners, she would be able to polish the trophy afterwards). She has 'taken the vegetarian option', not available to H.Vulqaris, both because of and despite her breeding.

Cheri Littlebottom (FOC) is clearly terrified of werewolves - due, no doubt, to her coming from Uberwald and accordingly having first-hand knowledge of their dietary preferences. (No, not first-hand, second-hand? Whatever...)

Gaspode (MAA) is of opinion that a bite from Angua will infect him with werewolf characteristics, although he should not put this to the test with any other werewolf!

All three named werewolves live (or lived) in Ankh-Morpork, and there is a suggestion that other werewolves also live there, and drink in Biers. Again, this agrees with 'De Lycanthropia', perhaps in some future volume there will be a street vendor using the phrase "And that's ripping out my own throat"?

Mr. Pratchett's Discworld werewolves and lycanthropic concepts are very well researched and soundly based, and the writer lives In hope of a Discworld novel located in Uberwald with, perhaps, Angua's family as the main source of characters.

9. The End

We prefer information to be sent via email, but can accept information via fax or post at the following addresses:

Email: <>
Fax: 0118-977-2158
Post: J Anthony (DWM), 86 Bruce Road, Woodley, Berkshire, RG5 3DZ

* Subscription Information *

To subscribe to "Discworld Monthly" simply enter your email address in the form on the "Discworld Monthly" web page. Our web site contains all back issues and links to other Pratchett sites.

http://www.discworldmonthly.co.uk/

Current circulation approximately 13800.

To unsubscribe simply send an email to <> with a subject of "remove". It would be helpful, but not necessary, if you could explain why you are unsubscribing. You will not receive any further correspondence unless you subscribe again.

NOTE: In order to keep the subscription list current any addresses that bounce will be removed. If you fail to receive an issue, please subscribe again.

* Answers to this month's DiscTrivia

Q1 - What was the name of the family who ran the curry parlour in Ankh-Morpork?
Q2 - What was the name of the land that surfaced?
Q3 - Which Ankh-Morpork fisherman found said land first?
Q4 - And his son's name was?
Q5 - What was Leonard's name for the submarine?
Q6 - Whose boat did Vimes use to get to Klatch?
Q7 - And finally, who was it that Vimes saw while rushing to the scene of the injured diplomat?

A1 - Goriff
A2 - Leshp
A3 - Solid Jackson
A4 - Les
A5 - Going-Under-The-Water-Safely-Device
A6 - Captain Jenkins'
A7 - Angua

* Obtaining PTerry's Books *

If you are looking for PTerry books over the net, try Amazon.co.uk http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/redirect-home/87 or visit http://www.discworldmonthly.co.uk/tpbooks.php for a list of PTerry books with direct links to Amazon.co.uk ordering pages.

This and every issue of Discworld Monthly is sponsored by User Friendly Business Solutions Ltd - http://www.ufbs.co.uk/

We make no effort whatsoever to ensure the information in this newsletter is accurate or even legal. Remember to always exercise caution when passing your credit card details over the Net (or over the phone or in restaurants, etc.). All trademarks are recognized as the property of their respective owners, whoever they may be.

Thanks for reading this issue of "Discworld Monthly". We hope you enjoyed it. If you have any comments or suggestions for the future of this newsletter please email: <>